i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
