Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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