eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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