How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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