my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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