if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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