I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
