No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
