My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
wow bdsm is so cute
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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