We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
