Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
