My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
MIDGETS
????
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
