the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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