I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
