Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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