I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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