i will never coherently bang her
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
