I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't deserve a penis
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
