Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
