wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
