literally had 100 drinks last night.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
