dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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