If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
