Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
