who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
