i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
