god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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