She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
