as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
