hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
