I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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