my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
