Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
