When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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