Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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