i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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