I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
