We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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