ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
