I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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