You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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