you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
