I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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