I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hippo gnu deer
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
