I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
