1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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