Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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