Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
