i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
