yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
