They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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