I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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