So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
