I wish my penis had an off switch
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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