she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
