haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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