I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
