we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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