No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
