im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
