I intend to get homeless drunk
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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