Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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