she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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