goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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