well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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