so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
