Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
