Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
