in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize